Xenophobe, no – Germaphobe, yes

I don’t know if it’s that I’m getting older, or becoming paranoid from all the media hype with the H1N1, or if I’m just starting to have serious mental issues; but, I’m getting to be a serious germaphobe, or mysophobic to be medically correct. Now I know, everyone should be conscious of germs and take an active role in eliminating them, but it’s getting to the point where it’s starting to affect my life. I mean I have serious issues with sharing anything especially things that come into contact with me and anyone else; phones, door knobs, elevator buttons, public restrooms et al. I try my very best to avoid public restrooms, but, as you know, there are times that you cannot avoid using them. When such occasions arise I find myself doing a very carefully orchestrated routine. I cannot/will not touch any handle in the restroom – I use my foot, and I cannot/will not touch the faucets in the restroom – I get two sets of paper towels prior to hand washing (One to turn on & off the faucet & one to dry my hands) then I get another paper towel to open the door, and never never touch the door handle. At work I think I single handedly keep the Purell Corporation in business via continued overzealous use of their antibacterial product. Even out at restaurants, if I think too much about someone else having the same utensil in their mouth I get really freaked out and can’t continue eating. I always use my napkin to wipe them off, but sometimes my fears get the best of me. When cooking any type of raw meat I refuse to touch it, instead I wear latex gloves when handling it. I use Clorox wipes everyday on my kitchen and bathroom counter. And lastly, I have a problem with washing my hands too many times a day, which paradoxically makes you more prone to infection – go figure. I just don’t know what’s going on here lately, I wasn’t like this when I was little, I could/did share drinks with people. I guess I’ve just become really paranoid with my old age. If this continues I’m going to need professional help or before you know it I’ll be the next Howie Mandell minus that dumb ass facial hair on his bottom lip.

Oh, and eating food that was prepared by someone else, that I don’t know, or haven’t seen their house/kitchen – totally off limits.